I finally convinced Chris to leave the hospital and go back to the hotel for one last, decent nights sleep while we still have the hotel room. She is returning at 6:00am and I will zoom back to pack and check-out. I am returning to Tacoma on Saturday but will return to St. Louis to bring Fi and Chris home on Wednesday.
We had a good day today. As Chris has told, Fiona drifts in and out and we see glimpses of her fire. She just awoke a few minutes ago and she challenged me to "Take me home now!" I believe this fire combined with a stubborn streak wider than the Mississippi that we saw yesterday will carry her to a most positive outcome. I am very confident that Chris' determination and love and Fi's spunky demeanor will overcome all else.
Out of gas....
Fiona staring at the bright pink light from the oxygen monitor
Sitting in the PICU, late at night, listening to monitors chirping and scurrying feet as nurses and doctors attend to this crisis or that, brought back memories from those long months in the NICU when the girls were born so long ago. I feel every aching heart, every tear shed, every smile risked as parents struggle to grasp the precarious nature of life and that helplessness that transcends all else.
Today I saw a mother as her emotions over such profound loss burst through for all to witness. I saw her friends and family stand helplessly by, hands by their sides, sideways glances born from that lack of understanding of how to interject. The pain of tear-streaked cheeks as another small and helpless soul slipped the surly bonds of earth. And it took me back.A small and oh, so innocent a bundle growing cold against my chest. Ripped from life and us by tragedy and circumstance. I miss her every day and more... And ALL THIS came flooding back. This dark night in St. Louis as monitors chirp and scurrying feet kick off the dust from wounds I thought had healed. And me here, telling you whom I mightn't even know. What will you make of this disclosure?
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